Jack #12

Just before Christmas we think Jack was what humans called ‘depressed’.

Our first clue was when he come home from shopping and we find him lying on kitchen floor surrounded by bags of groceries, clutching bottle of tequila and staring at ceiling.

Smudgie, Bella and Ruby stand over him

“What be the matter, Jack?” Smudgie ask him.

“Did you get tuna?” Bella asks. “In spring water?”

“My life,” say Jack weakly “is one long deep black hole of misery, despair and futility.”

We all look at each other as Jack takes drink from Tequila bottle without getting up.

Pause.

“In SPRING water,” Bella repeats.

“Life is a meaningless charade of nothingness. “ Jack mumbles.

Pause.

“Because I can’t eat the tuna in the olive oil.” Bella says.

Ruby gives Bella a dirty look.

“Well, I can’t,” say Bella truculently, shrugging shoulders.

We know Jack not happy with temp job. Partly because it be depressing company; partly because Jack say company resembles island of Doctor Moreau (HG Wells story of island full of misshapen genetic experiments gone wrong) and partly because of Office Psycho. Office Psycho be phenomenon humans have in ‘offices’ where they go to ‘work’ and pretend they can stand each other for eight hours.

‘Work’ sound awful to Smudgie. You do not even have naps during it unless you go to ‘meetings’ where humans sleep with eyes open while someone uses something called Powerpoint to send co-workers into catatonic trance. It be something that gives water-boarding a bad name. Jack say, OP is usually what clinical psychologist refer to as ‘nutjob’. They drag all their self-loathing to work and make everyone else suffer just because when they were eight they were mistaken for fire hydrant.

Owner of company offer Jack permanent job in charge of office including OP. We ask him if this is a good thing. He say it may be good thing compared to running head first through a plate glass window but otherwise, no.

Owner say – we have problem with OP. What would you do with them if you Manager? Jack say, can I throw OP out of window and into passing cement mixer? Owner think about this and say no can do because conflicts with Health and Safety.

“What be the problem? Exactly?” Ruby asks Jack.

Jack says he has to choose between taking job he hates to pay bills in the hopes that his abject misery will one day be relieved by the sweet relief of a giant flaming comet screaming towards the earth. Or he can say no and will have to leave so the company can hire permanent manager. This means he out of job and no money coming in.

Smudgie, Bella and Ruby look at each other.

“We go discuss this, Jack,” Ruby says and we walk off. Bella comes back to him to say, “just wait here.”

We debate what Jack should do. One one hand if he cannot find ‘job’ quickly we is all in trouble. We may have to ration tuna and give up ADTIW model(“Any Damn Time I Want”). On other hand although we has seen Jack in all kinds of moods we has never seen him ready to give up.

And that makes us three feel uncomfortable.

“You be considering putting HUMAN needs before ours?” Bella says, incredulous.

It IS a radical concept and not exactly one a self-respecting Kitteh would admit to.

“You know,” says Smudgie. “In all the time I known Jack – I’ve never known him to do one mean thing.”

Ruby says, “Even when we sleep on his interview suit.”

“When we lived in old house,” Smudgie says “and guard dog from neighbour back Smudgie up against the garage – Jack picked up big dog, marched round to neighbour and tried to post dog through their letter box.” We all giggle at this.

We look at Bella who rolls her eyes.

A few minutes later, we go back to Jack, still lying on floor.

Bella sits on his chest.

“We has discussed your situation,” Bella says. Bella looks at us and back at Jack.

“If you has a choice between being optimistic and pessimistic -” Bella sighs and rolls her eyes. “You should choose to be optimistic.”

“What?” says Jack.

“Leave,” Smudgie says. “Just leave.”

Two days later Jack at home at nine in the morning in front of computer with pad and pen and telephone. We three has given up precious nap time to sit with him as he calls company after company after company after company for job.

Jack found company who were intrigued by his background and that he is what humans call ‘proactive’. He started new temp job in January with normal people and so far it going well.

Jack says it is a good lesson – to choose optimism over pessimism when you have a choice.

Bella thinks it good to have things back to normal. When she think about time we put human first, she has to go lie down with paws over her head.